Oh dear

(c) Randy 2008.

Creative spirit

Or lack of it, really. For weeks now I have been without motivation to pick up my camera and start shooting things. This is Atsugi. I’ve been here for two and a half years. I pretty much know every spot within a 15km radius here. Went to the lake yesterday (15km), I go to the beach occasionally (12km), and today I went towards the mountains in the southern direction. I tried to cycle far, but no matter how far I went, I still found that I had been there before. Newly found roads last only for several minutes until they lead back to a known path. Everything here I have seen.

And yet, there are always new things to see, if you look for it. I’ve been looking through my photos of the last 2 years, and a lot of these pictures are of the same places, the same people. But every once in a while it’s possible to find a new angle on things. To realize that if you look at things differently (upside-down hanging from a tree) the world can look quite different. To see that requires a mind that’s awake, creative and happy. If any of those things are missing you will see the same dull world. My mind has been awake for the past two weeks, and I certainly feel creative after yesterday’s programming contest. So why is it that I could not find that exciting new angle that I was looking for? I know why, but that is for me alone.

Some weekends are so boring that it makes even me go out and do something useful. I cleaned up my room, bought some folders to put my paperworks in, and prepared the package that I will finally send back to Holland. I even got a haircut, although I don’t like the result very much. Well, I guess that’s my own fault for going to the crappy barber because it was too busy at the good place…

Here’s a time-lapse video my camera made for me today while I was doing laundry and getting a haircut.

People!

Yup, it’s still there.

Went to the lake today. Took 1 hour to get there, about 30-40 mins to get back. Although it started to rain on the way back, which did not make me very happy… So after that I’ve just been doing laundry, watching Monty Python and slacking off, mostly. Programming contest tonight. Yay. Need to be awake >_<

Also, for no particular reason, here is a picture of my plant and my pet from last December.

… so, the laundry finished. The dryer decided to restyle half of my shirts in a very fashionable light blue…

Those used to be white T_T. It doesn’t look that bad, actually o_0.

The youth heim keeps getting worse by the way. The toilet in the commonroom hasn’t been fixed since it broke down in the summer of 2007, washing machines keep on failing more and more and right now there’s only one dryer that works well in the whole building. It’s about time to start complaining…

Oh, I almost forget: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister who turned 2x yesterday!

Infrared ponderings

Randomly surfing on some websites today, it occurred to me check Ken Rockwell’s site for photography news. Actually I have decided not to buy anything new in the coming weeks, since there are no big trips coming up and I want to save a bit of money. I am contemplating selling my Canon 17-85mm and buying a Tamron or Sigma or whatever brand’s 18-200mm or 28-300mm + stabilizer lens instead. They both cost about the same, and the Canon lens really is not that good at all… It might be worth more 10 years from now but I think I can have more fun with an all-range lens instead for casual photography.

Visiting Ken’s website made me remember that I was still looking for an infrared filter, and I decided to spend some minutes trying to find more info about that. I found some more info online, and as I investigated further I found it almost impossible to find one in Japan. Which is too bad, because the infrared spectrum shows you a completely different world. The colors of trees are bright white, blue skies are dark, and there are some cool effect, like glass not being transparent any more, and certain types of fabric becoming transparent.

… Yes. Let me put this in very simple terms for you:

1. Infrared Photography lets you look through certain types of clothing
2. You cannot buy a semi-professional infrared filter in Japan in any of the big stores

I felt a satisfying click there. Could it be that the government doesn’t allow the selling of infrared filters, because all Japanese men are such perverts that they will use it to look through clothing? Or is it perhaps a store policy because of bad publicity? In either case, it seems that this is the reason that I cannot seem to find an infrared filter anywhere here. This coming from a country where the mobile phone has to make a loud click noise when you take a picture, because people were abusing this function and taking upskirt pictures of school girls, it is hardly surprising…

Investigating this a bit more, there is a company that manufactures a photo camera with a special night mode option, which turns off the infrared-blocking filter, and uses infrared LEDs to illuminate the subject. Because the effect of this camera in daylight would mean that you can look through people’s clothing, they added a special lock on this night mode feature, making it only available at very slow shutter times. Interesting to see how such an unexpected effect carries a long way in the whole photography industry. Such cool techniques are crippled for normal people because they would abuse them to take see-through pictures of people? I wonder…

(in the end I succumbed, and ordered it online from the US…)

Brain turd

I need a more zen-like attitude to life. Right now I get annoyed at things, or frustrated, or impatient, and I don’t foresee that to change in the future at all. Right now I am getting annoyed at the slowness of my internet connection. That did not happen a couple of years ago. I’m trying to find out what changed in me. I lost my inner peace completely. Is it because I have a ‘better’ life now? Or because I have gotten used to complaining all the time? I guess people can easily get used to any kind of lifestyle, but I am getting too used to mine. I am not unhappy, so my brain does not feel compelled to change my current situation. I need to force it to change. To learn. To do.

Humans are so much like machines. Or ants. They are not unique at all. This thought occurred to me when we came back by night bus from Shikoku. People get in, sit for 2 hours, the bus stops, people dump their waste (go to the toilet) and get back into the bus. Cycle repeats ad infinitum. One human’s life might seem interesting or unique, but looking at it from the whole the differences between persons are insignificant. Nobody stands out. But that’s ok. Nobody has to stand out.

I don’t like to do things that are unnatural. I like to wake up when I feel like I want to wake up. Not when the alarm rings. I like to get out of the shower when I feel that I’m finished. Not after 1 minute because I have to make it to work on time. There are many tasks that just go so much better when it’s the right time to do them. When I am asked at work to do something, I can force myself to do it any time, but when I wait until I feel like doing it, it just goes so much better. The key to all of this is timing. When the time is right, do it. For me, I rely on my subconcious to tell me when I need to do something, and things will go smooth and naturally. Ignoring this part of my brain and forcing this will make me less productive and less happy.

Can you be happy with nothing? If you never had anything more than nothing, can you be happy? If you never had anything more than you have right now, are you happy right now? There are a lot of people who’ve gone from better to worse, and are bitter about it. That’s natural. But there are some people who have gone from better to worse and are happy about it. That’s admirable. I am a person who can be happy with anything. In fact, after losing something I am usually happier than before, because I can realize what it meant to me to lose it.

People are only happy until they see someone who is more happy than them. Once they know that they can be more happy somehow, they will try to attain that. You can substitute the word happy for rich, popular, famous, interesting, smart, etc. Once the existence of something better is known the happiness level drops. I think this is because people are either consciously or subconsciously competing with each other, and I think that is why I don’t like to compete. Sure, competing with each other is for fun, but activating that competitive spirit in yourself makes you want to compete in more and more things. I’d rather shut off that part and focus on other things. That doesn’t always work of course, and there are some things that I like to compete in, especially things that I’m good at. And some competition you can’t avoid, like when you are looking for employment or doing (most) sports.
42. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Getting enough sleep only makes me think about this more. I see two options for me right now, one of them will be as close to normality and stress as a person like me can get, and the other one is wild open (sic). I already made my choice, and I stand by it. Life will have many interesting moments, and there are many things to see. Now is the time to see them. Right now.
When we look at the things that are important in life, what do we see? When we think of the things that we will be remembered by, what will they be? Do we want to be remembered? Do we want our legacy to continue? It’s in our genes to want it, obviously, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the ‘right’ choice. People’s focus is shifting from procreation to procrastination. All they want to do is have fun. This is nature’s way of protecting itself against overpopulation, perhaps?

Sometimes I lose my perspective. I actually think that solving this bug before the end of my working day will make my life better somehow. Or that attending a social gathering is required. Mandatory fun. I must be entering the rebellious period of my life. I don’t want to conform at all. This does not worry me. Somehow people who know me expect it of me. I am good at what I do, so I am allowed certain eccentricities at work, like being a foreigner. Or not learning kanji even after two and half years… Every act requires motivation, and for me I need a good reason to be motivated. Not being certain of my future removes all motivation to do long-term things like studying a language. The future will never be certain, and in fact my actions right now influence my future, so I am looking at things the wrong way. I reversed cause and effect in my mind. I should un-reverse it.

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That was a quick look in my brain, as presented by my brain, kind of messed up after watching a weird movie and being awake for too long. And now for something completely different: