The colorful wolf

June 6, 2007

A house of cards

Filed under: Uncategorized — randy @ 21:55

Stuff that you build can easily fall apart. Things that you take for granted will be gone the next day. People might surprise you. They can also disappear. Sometimes unexpected things need to happen to make people realize the things they take for granted can suddenly be gone. Justl ike that.

That being said, I am thinking hard about going home in August. It’s the end of my lifestyle here. The last friends from last year will leave in September. There’s already a nice bunch of people from this year, but between now and September a lot of people will leave. It’s like last year all over again, only this time I miss the last month of spending time with my friends, and I will use it to go home (?). It seems like such a waste of my time.

As you can gather from this post I haven’t booked my plane ticket yet. The departure date is fixed, but I’m thinking about when to go back to Japan. How much are my friends worth to me? And how much are my parents worth to me? People I care about more, but can still see anytime I want after I go back home, or people I have made a connection with for the past year, and might never see again? Well, at least it’s in line with my life’s philosophy, which is that you always have a choice. Some of them are harder than others I guess.

The ‘not caring’ part of me is growing stronger lately. I see (Chinese) people get worked up for the most silly reasons, and I don’t understand them. Somehow I always have fun with the Chinese people here in Japan, and they are all good friends. But it’s still very difficult for me to understand how some of my Chinese friends live their lives. I think I like strange people, and so far most mainland Chinese people are very strange to a European person like me. I guess that’s why I get along with them well. I wish Ningning and Yu Huan were still here. I miss you two!

Oh right, provoking people. I’m getting the feeling that I am becoming more and more provocative to people, and less nice, perhaps. I’ve lost interest, and I’m trying to create a situation where I actually care. So far I’m failing. Life is just too easy and relaxed right now.

I miss my challenge.



  1. So , you should come back from holland earlier! you will be together with your parents eventually , but maybe you can’t see us that easy. Randy , you are nice. hahahaaha . Trust yourself.

    btw, the pics you took yesterday for the bread, is soooo disgustiing

    Comment by — June 7, 2007 @ 15:43 | Reply

  2. waste of you’re time. ok maybe it’s time to make up you’re mind!. you’re friends won’t even now you when you made it and have a nice paying job and they are all gone to other places in the world, in a couple of years. And if you think they would ever say, hey we missed randy that week or 2 before we went away, you are really messed up. but if you just stay a week or 2 in holland you’re parrents will say, i wish he was here just a little bit longer! i’m a little bit disappointed big brother. i just wish you didn’t have to make a disision about who you would like to see longer. I think now you’re friends can understand my thoughts, in dutch the wouldn’t understand. but don’t take this to hard. I’m youre little sister. and you don’t have tp listen to me. you know that.

    Comment by heidemeisje — June 9, 2007 @ 5:55 | Reply

  3. It’s all about choices. You have to weight your options of course. I’m not going to tell you to do this or that, but I think that saying that you can see your siblings later is a bit dangerous. The danger reside in the fact that it’s an easy, short-time solution, and could be the solution whenever you face a hard choice again. At the end, you would not see people as often as you wanted to. And you’re pissed off.
    I have known many people in my live, and will know many others. Each time I used to know someone, I just try to enjoy time passed with that person.

    Comment by MattQb — June 10, 2007 @ 22:25 | Reply

  4. Maybe Matthieu QB is right – it is also something I have just started to learn as well.

    I don’t think going back to Holland would be a waste of time for you – you get to spend time with the people who care the most about you. As you grow older, you will find that the time you get to spend with your family will become less and less. Its true for my case at least. So even going back to HK just for a few days, I’m glad to have made the effort.

    Enjoy your time back home – your true friends will always be there for you. You will never loose them. Just look at you and Yu Huan. However, there are always friends who come and go – its just life.

    One group you will always be part of is your family, so you should be happy.

    Comment by Kamil — June 11, 2007 @ 1:48 | Reply

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