The colorful wolf

September 18, 2007

Clean

Filed under: Uncategorized — randy @ 21:36

That’s how I feel. Clean. A new life will begin soon. All the people I grew up with for the last year are gone. It leaves me with the feeling that I can start over again, with a clean slate. I can pretend I just got here, and hang out with the new people. Go sightseeing, do similar stuff as I did for the last 2 years. But when I think about it, I realize more and more that I would do things differently this year, if I would do things all over again. I would do different things, go to different places, meet different people. I think different about life now. As Pedro might say: “Somewhere along the way I became old and fucked up”.

In the end it’s like the movie ‘Groundhog day’: my life keeps on repeating, over and over again. In the movie Bill Murray’s life repeats every day; in my case my life repeats every year. And, just like in the movie, at first it’s fun, because you get to do whatever you want, and you can do anything. But after a while… After a while you become bored, desperate, sad, and you just want to get out of that day, and move on. This is how I feel right now. In the movie Bill Murray required a perfect day to get on with his life, and he spent countless days trying to make the perfect day, and failing. I think I already had my perfect year, and yet I’m still here.

So what do I want to be? Certainly not old and fucked up. I want my fresh mind back. I want to think like I did the first year I was here. Always positive, bright. Never being annoyed, or angry, or sad. Able to see the good side of things. Not complaining, not being unhappy with the situation. Just living. So simple. A good friend of mine wants to save the world. Two years ago I would join him on his mission. Now I simply don’t care anymore.

Sometimes people tell me I’m too nice. Sometimes people tell me they don’t understand how I can get along with people even though they are so different from me. Sometimes I think about all the differences me and my friends have. About politics, about sexual preference, about beauty, about morals, about lifestyle. It seems that I can be friends with anyone, as long as I can enjoy talking to them. I don’t judge people’s personality much, but I try to find reasons to explain why people are who they are. When I do this, I find that there are not much ‘bad’ people in the world, and none in my group of friends.

There are two personality aspects that matter a lot to me though, and if people fail to live up to my expectations on these two points, I can never be close friends with them. The first point is respect. Respect for other people. Respect for other people’s accomplishments, achievements, lifestyle and personality. Some guys have a serious problem with respecting other people, especially girls, and they treat them as (status) objects, or make fun of them. I hate this. The second point is independence. It’s hard for me to see a person as ‘full’ if they are depending on other people to tell them what to do, to plan trips for them, or if they live off of their parents’ money, for example. I find myself unconsciously judging other people based on these criteria, and liking them more or less based on this. I am quite happy with that, and I don’t intend to change this.

Amyko left today. During the year she called me fat about a million times, but at the same time she compared me to Superman, Jezus Christ and Buddha. I will miss her a lot. She was great fun to talk to and hang out with. She could always say something unexpected, and look at things from a different point of view. Another important friend leaves..

I’m thinking about my future. I know what I want now. It’s a dream, but it’s something I can keep in the back of my mind, and think about whenever I want. Get a brilliant idea, startup a company with my best friends, become famous (and popular), sell your product, and get bought out by one of the big ones., which will make me so rich that I never have to work again. It’s a great plan, but it’s missing one thing: the brilliant idea. I hope that, if I ever get that brilliant idea, that my friends and all the people reading this blog can support me and join me on my quest to save my world 😉

Thursday I will fly to Hong Kong to visit Kamil. No rest for the wicked, or the lazy. Life doesn’t stop, and I’ll be racing to the airport again in two days. After that it’s time to take some steps for my future, whatever that might mean. And some crazy (bike) trips of course 😀

Whoops, almost forgot. We had a company barbecue last Saturday. Here’s some pics.




Bonus: here’s a little girl giant on youtube.

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1 Comment »

  1. I, Me, My, Mine…Tell something about you’re friends and what you do with them in the weekends. The great
    Time you have together. It’s my oppinion you talk too much about yourself. Compare the stories where you tell about others and the stories you talk about yourself. I see the difference. 😛

    your little sister

    Comment by Anonymous — September 23, 2007 @ 17:58 | Reply


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