The colorful wolf

February 2, 2010

and…. it’s gone!

Filed under: Thoughts — randy @ 21:54
Tags:

The snow, that is. It lasted all but one night. It’s still really cold though.

It seems that my last post caught more attention than I expected. I remember blogging about the craziest things three or four years ago and nobody seemed to care, yet these days I’m getting concerned messages after a single slightly melodramatic blogpost. Thanks for your concern, guys, and sorry for worrying you 🙂

Well, as much as I would like to continue the extreme statements for a bit longer, it’s probably best if I soften the last post a bit. I can’t say too much about things (yet) though. It’s not as if my whole life was suddenly turned up-side-down, and I haven’t turned into a depressed suicidal maniac. For the past few years, my mood has been pretty neutral, switching sometimes from slightly depressed to slightly optimistic. Usually, whenever I start to feel more and more depressed, I notice it consciously, and protect myself from it somehow. It’s a bit like a thermostat, preventing me from thinking dangerous thoughts.

During last week though, the thermostat was off. Due to various reasons all the barriers in my mind disappeared and I was able to explore a different point of view of my life. Admittedly it wasn’t a very positive point of view, but it was very interesting nonetheless. For me, this event was shocking because my ‘mental protection barrier’ disappeared for a brief moment, which never ever happened to me before. Imagine that. And all of that without using any kind of drugs! I’m saving money on drugs yet I’m tripping anyway!

Well, to summarize: the feeling of last week was not a good feeling, but in hindsight I discovered a new side of my mind, for which I am happy, as exploring minds is one of my favorite hobbies. Note that this doesn’t change anything: my life plan is set, I am moving forward with it, and fundamentally nothing is different. The only thing that changed is that I am now slightly better prepared for the future.

(And don’t you dare call me emo! :P)

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