I feel like I can forgive everyone who has ever done something bad to me. Today. I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow, so I wanted to write this down today. I wouldn’t call myself happy at all, but I’ve accepted that certain things just can’t be changed easily. The longer things have time to grow, the harder they are to change afterwards. Yet somehow, today, I feel that I can accept my situation and be happy about it.
I’m not quite there yet though. I have a lot of things I want to say here, but something is still restricting me, preventing me from putting down everything I want to say. Common sense, perhaps? I guess I’ll settle for being vague for now.
Today, after talking to someone who hasn’t talked to me for a long time, I remembered once again a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time. I remember how I was three years ago: eager, excited, frustrated, energetic. Only a girl could make me feel the extreme ends of the emotional spectrum. At the time I was frustrated that I couldn’t get her, and I let out my frustration by cycling. In the morning, to the seaside, like a maniac. It’s a habit that stuck, although nowadays I don’t think about her as often as I used to. Most importantly, I remember how a single simple feeling could drive me to achieve things that I never thought possible. I’m sure many of you can sympathize with this.
I haven’t made any important decisions about my life in the past two years. I’ve been riding the flow of life and enjoying or hating myself along the way, but that can’t go on forever. Even the best of feelings will start to rot if left untended for too long, and that’s a definite sign that it’s time to start making some changes in your life.
That’s a lot of words, and yet somehow I’ve managed to avoid saying anything real about myself and my current situation. Who knows, perhaps words will just stay words, and nothing will come out of this. Or perhaps this is just a precursor to something incredible. Who knows. Today, I am reminded again of the strong power that used to motivate me, the power that strove me to be a better person, better than I ever thought I could be on my own. This is the feeling that has brought me this far, and I will still rely on this feeling in the future, because it is the only feeling that drives me to greatness.
Let’s not put words on it, shall we? After all, we all know which feeling I’m talking about.
Well that was rather mellow. Must be the effect of all that shoujo anime that I’m watching..