The colorful wolf

July 1, 2010


Filed under: Thoughts — randy @ 0:41

I really don’t know what to write here. I already tried to write this post twice (violating my rule of never reviewing before posting) and I wasn’t happy with either of the two drafts. I’m just going to give up and settle for being vague.

I’m not comfortable right now. Here. In Holland. In my parent’s house. I’ve tried to shift blame, make excuses, stall and deny. The truth is: I just don’t want to be here. I want to be somewhere else. Can’t give reasons, can’t give any explanation that I could write down in a coherent sentence. I just don’t want to be here, in this place at this time.

Maybe six months from now I’ll be in a hellhole somewhere at the other side of the planet, who knows. But at that time, I want to think back to this blogpost, to this moment, so that I will remember why I wanted to go somewhere else. In a way, this post is my mental bookmark.

Alas, there is not a lot of progress yet. While I’m still orienting myself in the vast world of university selection, most application deadlines for the September semester have already passed, and I’ll have to wait until next year to enroll. Until then I really should get a job somewhere, and I’ve started looking for jobs today. It’s all about money in the end. To enjoy my own lifestyle I need money. To enroll in university I need money. The world revolves around money. There is no other way to make the world go round. I can’t believe I can get annoyed at such a simple truth.


1 Comment »

  1. This Tibet thing doesn’t look so hot right now, so maybe if you want to test the waters of an alternate path, we could spend two weeks in August getting together and hacking project ideas together (ideally NOT at your parent’s place). Maybe just a cheap rental cottage with Internet access.. those exist in Holland, right?) If not, a Hostel or whatever might also fit the bill. Anyhow, I’d love to see what could be accomplished in such a short time, but also what it actually feels like to be in that mind and mode.

    Send me an email if you’re interested!

    Comment by b — July 2, 2010 @ 8:54 | Reply

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